Seeking Lavender Lane

Dec

29

My Experience with High School Bullying

So I woke up this morning as I was clenching my teeth from this dream that just hit all the nerves in my body. In the dream I was walking all alone and a bunch of girls passed me and were throwing some word daggers at me. To my experience one dirty look and bad comment can truly break down someone’s world. It brought back all kinds of memories and feelings from High school and I felt that this was God telling me that I need to share this story here. This is the second time this has happened to me that I woke up and  I felt the need to write about something personal in my life. The first was about my decision to not have an abortion at 19 years old, and this one here about my experience being bullied. I feel these are those moments that God is telling me to write my story it will touch one person’s life. When I wrote about my abortion story, I received a response from someone months later from another girl about her decision as a Christian to keep her baby and that becoming an unmarried mother was never her plan. She got married and just had her sweet baby in November the same month that I had my unplanned baby. It’s amazing how God can use you to touch someone’s life like that. I think when we have something that weighs heavy on our hearts we have to speak about it. I think sometimes I don’t do enough to serve and how I wish I had more time or more ideas in ways to really touch people’s lives and be able to share God’s message. Well, here is one other way that I felt the need to wake up this morning and share something about myself that I don’t normally do. Decorating is my love and sharing that here fulfills so much for me, but sharing something personal is scary and overwhelming but if it can touch one person’s life that needs to hear it.

Well, I guess it starts off saying that being a female is tough! Women and girls are mean!  Sometimes some female’s don’t ever grow out of this. I’ve seen and experienced bullying as an adult too so unfortunately we can’t always blame it on the immaturity of teenagers. Well, my story starts in April 2003! I had my whole life just comfortable before the day my dad announced his promotion and that we would be leaving my little home in the rural setting of Pennsylvania. At first, it felt like something that wasn’t going to really happen but then as our house sold and I had to say goodbye to my friend’s it all became a reality. This was the house that built me, the home I knew since I was born, and the friends and people that I knew my whole life. I grew up with most of the kids in my school that I remember playing blocks with in preschool, to watching them become class president, and then grow into their teenage bodies. My school and neighborhood were so different than anything else, it was Dingmans Ferry a place where most people never heard of and just a few short miles from New Jersey over an old vintage bridge that rattles when driving over. My plans were good though, I would still come back to visit and my new school which was close to the beach and only a two hour drive away from home wouldn’t be so bad. It would mean new opportunities and a ton of fun since there would be so many more things to do than being in our rural house in the sticks.

Well, to my surprise my first day of school was nothing like what I had imagined…I did not have friends immediately, and cute new boys to look at, instead…this was a “beach” town. People at the Jersey shore that thought they lived in California. Girls were different then I thought they would be and the guys all had long hair that I couldn’t quite get used to. The first day of school nerves I will never forget and though I had a few nice faces there were plenty of dirty looks and questionable motives. Moving to a new school just a few weeks shy of your 15th birthday was not easy. It just wasn’t….not only was it a scary situation to start all over again, but then the rumors and comments started quickly. My first few weeks at my new school turned into long drives home crying to my mother.

The bullying started with girls and then guys and then my own friend’s who I thought were friends. It was a long search to find good people, but I wasn’t going to give up. I wasn’t going to spend the next 3.5 years in this school and town and not make any friends. And so that is exactly what I did…I went out of my comfort zone and found girls that I could connect with.  I just wanted to have friends that I could laugh with and make deep connections with. Just a few weeks ago I had a Christmas dinner with these girls and I teared up just telling them how much their friendship meant to me, and how I will never forget that day that I asked for their phone number and went out of my “uncomfortable” way to be sure I would make friends. I know God brought these special women into my life (he always has a plan). Here we are 15 years later and still making time to get together and celebrate our friendship. Months can go by with our busy schedules, but when we get together it’s like nothing has changed.

Well, I definitely made friends along the way and during those remaining years in High School, but I also made some pretty good enemies too. Let’s say girls are gonna hate…especially if you they feel threatened by your presence. I wish I could tell you the ridiculous list of moments that they tortured me during those four years. It went from wanting to fight me over some guy, to making jokes at me for selling tickets to the prom. I heard rumors like they would come up with a trivial test game and name their team after me and lets not forget month #1 at gym class having an entire group of girls sing the “camel toe” song in gym class on top of their lungs as I ran past them on the track. I know that one is still hard to talk about…but it’s all the truth and I think this is what girl’s today need to hear. I was called a slut, threatened by someone who claimed that she wanted to “shoot” me, and people who I thought were not my enemy even made me feel like I didn’t belong.

Some people want to take you down and break you down. There are all kinds of reasons for bullying, one is jealousy, the second is insecurity, and the third is just straight hate! It broke me down and it changed me a lot and who I am today because of it all. These girls I still know their faces and names and gosh I can say that going into Brick-town makes me cringe every time I walk into a Target or Costco just hoping I won’t run into one of them. It cuts deep still and I had to do some counseling over it in my young 20’s. I went through a stage where I had social anxieties because I thought people weren’t going to like me…and to this day I think people are automatically not going to like me when they meet me. It’s a tough thing to live with at times, but it hasn’t stopped me altogether. I still know who I am and who my true friends are. Not to mention my family…becoming a mom in my early 20’s and marrying my very best friend in life has made life so wonderful. You realize those moments of bullying in High School are so small compared to what a big world of Love you live in now. Like I said those moments still stick with me from time to time, but it made me who I am. I believe sometimes we have to go through tough times to come out stronger. It builds our character and makes us wiser and interesting. Take those moments and build off of them! You will have your moments of weakness, but to cave into them…will only make them win. You have so much more life past those small moments of bullying to live for. Surround yourself with what made you, you, and what will continue to make you, you. That’s what I did…I remembered all those moments of me growing up and how they didn’t know that Deb and I planned this big future for myself of working in Fashion and moving to the big city. Of course, God had other plans, but it got me through those tough times. Just like that Taylor Swift song, (which was not around when I was in High School)

You can take me down
With just one single blow
But you don’t know what you don’t know
Someday I’ll be living in a big old city
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?
Life goes on and people grow up and you grow up, and at the end of the day, you have got to be you and do what’s good for you. No one else is going to do that. Seek help, seek friends, and build dreams. When all else fails, get on your knees and pray. For those being bullied, I pray that this helps you realize you are not alone, and for those that have the tendency of bullying to make yourself feel better..remember that he/she is a person. I think today we are weakening our generation…when I was in High School bullying wasn’t so focused on as it is today. So I had to do my own thinking and be strong for myself. I think this is the message that needs to be heard, don’t be weak…bullying doesn’t make you the weaker person., getting through it will only make you tougher. When I see these stories how young people are killing themselves for being bullied it just breaks me down. This moment is so small in this big Life you are going to live. Write your experience down and put into a box and then twenty years later read those letters back to yourself and see how far you have come since those small moments. See how strong you became from it all…and turn that hate into love.
I know most of you that follow me here are probably past the bullying stage in life…well into your adulthood and not dealing with teenage games. I would still love for you to share this with a young person that needs to hear this. Bullying can happen to any of us.  Please leave me a comment if this has helped you in any way. God’s hand be over this post and let it touch that special life that just needed to hear that it’s going to be okay.

 

 

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Hi! I'm Deb

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26 Responses

  1. Praise God that you chose LIFE! Abortion is not the answer. So many people have empty arms and would love to adopt a baby that is inconvenient for a mother. My brother and sister in law are an example of such a couple. Abortion not only kills a baby, but, it kills the spirit of the mother, and others involved. Good for you! I was also a victim of bullying. A group of girls went out of their way to make my life miserable starting in junior high. They would pull my long hair, put gum in it, kick me from behind when sitting in school. They would flip me off during school lunches at the tables, telling others to clear the view so they would be able to show me their collective “flips”. They sent me hateful notes, making fun of my family (I was the oldest of 12 children, and we were not financially well off, but, our parents made sure we never did without), making fun of my Catholic faith. Bus rides to and from school were unbearable. One time, the “leader” of the group who was sitting at the back of the bus traveled to the front of the bus while moving, and smeared my face with her tube of lipstick. They made my junior high and freshman and sophomore years of school unbearable. But, my relief came when my dad had to change jobs and we moved 300 miles away. I started fresh, and had many friends, joined many organizations, and eventually went to college and became a teacher. I clamped down on those who bullied others, and always did my best to bolster up those who were being bullied. Knowing that there are so many more ways to cyber bully now, I think the best thing a parent could do to help their child is to monitor their child’s net activity-make sure they are not bullied, or the one who is bullying. It begins at home.

    1. Thank you so much, Doris for sharing your story. I can just imagine what a tough time that must have been for you. What a blessing that move was in your life. God is always in control. Also, thank you so much for commenting on my not having an abortion story. That was another tough time in my life but God is always in control and he got me through that time and we are so blessed today.

  2. Thank you for sharing. I too was a victim of bullying in high school. I remember getting jumped by seven girls because of the style of clothes I like.

    1. Thank you Sharlette! High School is tough…and I know today so many people are dealing with bullying…and they are most certainly not alone.

  3. Thank you for sharing your stories about choosing life and surviving bullying. May those in the midst of being bullied know that our Heavenly Father loves and cares for them, and that they are unique and special. Their self worth is not defined by their peers or circumstances. Your story shows this and how you overcame. God’s blessings.

  4. Thank you for sharing your story. I know ones who have been bullied. I want to share this with ones I love.

  5. While it is true, some women are just ‘mean’ , it seems that women in a pack can be so vicious and cruel. Sometimes, I rationalize and think, it is not really the women, it is the enemy we are really encountering. He alone is the deceiver and evil. He is just using the others as a way to hurt believers. But oh, my heart still bleeds. My resolve is shredded. My spirit depleted.

    Often the only way I feel comforted is to realize. God has already PREPARED ME for this battle. I have already been given the victory. I AM HIS. He has trusted me with this encounter. I now need to trust Him to deliver me from this torture. The truth is I am shielded by the BELIEF that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He has permitted this trial because He has TRUSTED ME to know the TRUTH. As I yield and surrender to HIS leading, I become strengthened in obedience to HIM. I must stay in His Word. I MUST be nourished by His Word daily. Partaking of the manna HE ALONE provides, will give me the escape I seek. What I seek is the Wisdom He promised me to navigate the path to safety, one step at a time. At the end of the trial, I will receive His validation. WELL DONE GOOD AND FAITHFUL Servant.

    It is NOT EASY. I may experience pain, suffering and scars. BUT one day, I will be IN HIM. WITH HIM. It WILL be paradise. THIS is what His life modeled for me. If he could endure, so can I. I find life in HIM not, THEM. My life is not my own. He paid the price for my soul. I am to pray for these people. I am to curse their wickedness but not sin. Anger does not serve the purpose I seek. Revenge does not secure the score I desire. Faithfulness is the quality, the jewel, I want in my crown. This will bring the glory MY LORD deserves. This is my purpose. This is what this trial (whatever the trial) is for.

    Sometimes I do better than others. But, GOD is also the HOLY SPIRIT and He is the PERFECT Gentleman. He will not scold me or put me down. He will encourage me each trial He places before me. I will develop more spiritual strength each time I am challenged with a trial. He will BE WITH ME at my weakest point.
    Be of good cheer, GOD is WITH ME. My goal is to be with HIM.

  6. You are a courageous and sensitive young woman and I applaud you for sharing your story and extending the encouragement so many young people need to survive these awful bullying situations. You are right when you make the point that those who are doing the bullying are the weak ones, the ones who lack the inner resources to feel good about themselves.

    You must have parents who gave you a sense worth and the love that only the best parents can. I don’t say that all bullying comes from not having the love and acceptance from home that we need as children but I do believe that much of it starts there. Those who feel bad about themselves have been made to feel that way from a young age. As a parent now you know that it is a hard task to raise a child with a sense of confidence and with compassion for himself and others. But, it’s so necessary in order for children to grow into caring, kind adults who don’t feel the need to bring someone else down to feel good about themselves.

    I wish you great success and happiness in your life and as a parent. I hope the New Year brings you many blessings. You are a good, caring person who deserves the best in life. (But you knew that already, right?) 🙂

    Sending love,
    Naomi S.

    1. Thank you, Naomi, yes having a close family and parents helps when going through something like that. I so appreciate your words to me. I do so hope this helps a young person with their struggle being bullied.

  7. What a sweet, brave post, Deb. I know in my heart God will place this post in front of those that need it. I will be sharing it on Facebook. School can truly be a cruel place, but you are correct the message we need to spread is not to be weak! I got picked on because I was so tall and I never had pants that were long enough…to this day I ALWAYS make sure my pants don’t look like I’m trying to avoid a flood! Thank you for being so open about such an important subject! God bless you! Happy New Year!

    1. Thank you so much Michele! I so appreciate you sharing this. Gosh so many of us have a story…and I don’t know if it will ever change, but I think we need young people to see the stories so they know they too will make it past this stage in their life.

  8. Thank you for listening to the prompting to share this post. Thankfully I was never bullied or my girls when they were in school. I pray this post reaches those who need it most. God bless you. Melinda

  9. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. My daughter was bullied in Jr. High. She is 20 years old now and still has bad memories about it all, but she is stronger for it too. She has gone to college 4 hours away from home and is thriving. So much prayer went into this hard time in her life and as a parent, you feel so helpless. We didn’t have the choice of changing schools, but circumstances at the school changed, so things were a bit better her 8th grade year. It is so hard to understand why someone would want to be so cruel, but I know it goes on everywhere and every day. Thanks again for sharing!

  10. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Glad you chose to love yourself more than to listen to the bullies awful message. I have two teens (a boy and a girl) and I have taught them to be kind to everyone regardless who they are – ever since they were babies. We don’t tolerate bullying ever! Sorry you had to go through it. I think you are a teacher at the core of your being, and this is probably why you had to go through it….you can’t teach what you don’t know. Remember that nothing has meaning but the meaning you give it. Train yourself to think that people are going to like you, and if they don’t , it has nothing to do with you …everything to do with where they are at that moment. We never know what another person is going through. When I was in HS the ‘it’ group asked me to not talk to another girl who wasn’t popular. I refused, and they stopped talking to me….oh well…I didn’t care for mean girls.
    BE who you are, YOU are good enough. Be kind to yourself and others and know that ‘all is well in your world’. Remember, a belief is just a thought you keep on thinking , which means you can change it. Thank you again for sharing this heartfelt message. Sending good energy and love your way.

  11. Thank you for story. I’m a 54 yr old very friendly conservative Christian who works at a truck dealership in the office and picked on daily by 3 evil women! It’s tough but I know God wants me there and my life may be the only bible they read! This is my first experience w bullying and it’s a daily struggle. My point is it does not end in HS apparently! Glad you kept your baby and you have a wonderful life now! I love your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. You have given me strength.

    1. Oh no Vicki, I am so sorry to hear that. My mom has gone through similar things at her job. It’s hard when other people have different beliefs and look at life so differently. Sometimes jealousy at a job comes from feeling threatened. You will be in my prayers that you find contentment at your job and that you can bring these women to christ.

  12. Thank you for sharing your heart. My husband was relocated due to work and we had to move 1200 miles away. Our youngest two children were to enter their new high school as a senior and a sophomore. Their experience was not too far off from yours. They both came home crying for the first month. Then the one that was a senior figured out a way she could graduate a semester early – ending her trauma sooner than later. Not having her sister in school with her sent my youngest on a downward spiral. I spoke with her counselor. Then my husband did. With no response other than , “I’m sorry she is having difficulty fitting in,”, we contacted the principal. He never responded to our email.

    By the grace of God, she was able to find one good friend who helped turn her around. However, she just graduated last week a semester early. I am just thankful this chapter of her life is finished and she can move forward.
    On a side note- both my girls poured themselves in to their studies. The older one is thriving at a top engineering university as she desires to be a petroleum engineer and the other is receiving acceptance letters into top ranking universities as well. God has been faithful ?

    1. Wow, Moriah thank you so much for sharing this. Relocating makes bullying so much harder since you don’t have anyone. I am so glad to hear that your girls are doing well.

  13. YOU are precious and I am sure girls were so crazy jealous by your beauty and friendly spirit. So thankful to call you friend. Bullying is real and girls are so mean, we have similar stories to tell. So proud of you for your brave sharing and listening to the Holy Spirit nudge you! hugs friend

  14. Were you me in the 70s? I was floored how your story was like mine in so many ways. I shared with my parents this year just how bad it was for me in school from the 1st grade until the 10th when my cousin moved in with us and started going to school with me, in the same grade. They never knew how close to the brink of despair I really was, they only thought I wanted to skip school for laziness. I felt like I couldn’t tell them. If they went to the school about the bullying, the backlash would be far worse. A lot of it was persecution for being a Christian in a time when very few kids made an open declaration that they were believers. I’m very sorry to say that some of the teachers joined in the berating for not following the crowd. I’m sorry for all of us that have experienced this misery and especially sorrowful for those that felt it was just too much. Maybe that would have been me if not for God sending me a cousin as close as a sister who also believed and followed Christ. Thank you for sharing your experience! ?

    1. aww rebecca I am so sorry to hear about your hard times in school. As I said I think these are ways to build our character and make us stronger. Though it’s easy to say that now…it’s still something that is hard to go through. Thank goodness we are not in it alone and that these children today can read stories like these and know they too will make it through. God Bless!

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