Dear Friends, I wanted to share about my week and this past month. I’ve had a week of prayer and really talking with God and just asking for rejuvenation in parts of my life. I felt the Lord just tugging on my heart about something dark and ugly. I wanted to share this experience with you all to show that we all have struggles and weaknesses. I wanted to get personal with you and to celebrate as today I’m feeling more free and filled. It all starts with one of my most precious and beautiful opportunity that I cherish so much,my blog. I’d love to say blogging has been all rainbows and unicorns but gosh it’s also brought some ugly out in me. I’ve never really thought of myself to be a jealous person maybe a little but lately the past few years have brought so much envy and jealousy out in me that I felt God red flagging me down. It almost seemed to be spiraling out of control and I couldn’t put the breaks on it. I think it first was motivation, then it turned into gossiping and eye rolls behind the screen, to eventually taking the fun and love out of what I enjoy doing in the first place. It not only made me see the ugly in me but it also made me stop having peace. I have so much to be grateful for, God had answered so many of my prayers. He checked off so many goals, and gosh I can say I work from home and decorate all day. Who am I to feel jealous and not be happy in my life? Now, you may be thinking…wasn’t this post about peonies? Well yes, it is a post about peonies and peonies were part of my happiness in this past week. I don’t come on here and share my heart too often, but every once in a while you’ll catch a personal post about me. Like my post on…
“Why I chose not to have an abortion”
“My Experience with High School Bullying”
Actually maybe that’s the only two posts I’ve been truly personal on here. I think I need to start getting a little more personal and sharing my heart. Because after all most of my readers here are women. Us women have a lot of emotions (and yes I know us women is not a correct way of writing and for all those judging my grammar keep judging cause grammar aint my jam-though I’m trying to now make it a point to go back and re-read my posts a few times before I post. I got into a bad habit of not doing that and I know it could be a tough read.) So, if you don’t mind me getting more personal on here with my posts I’d love for you to stick around. This post is especially personal because I’m sharing my ugly. We can’t say we don’t all have ugly because after all this is a fallen world and though our sin may seem so tiny it’s what separates us from peace and from experiencing what God has in store for us. The lord doesn’t put these rules out there for us to live a life of lock down, instead he is designing us to have freedom-freedom from our Ugly.
Well, I have to first say how the Lord brought this all out in me. Last year right around this time when we were in our rental I felt the Lord tell me something…something I had never thought about before about myself. Now you know when the Lord speaks to you because those thoughts are thoughts you know you couldn’t have yourself. They are thoughts that appear and you just know it’s the Lord intervening. I had no idea a year later that it would all officially come to a head and God would be telling me to take the back seat, be there for other women, and that my heart needed some fixing. Now, you all may not be bloggers but I’m sure we all experience envy or jealousy in our lives here or there. It may start from at work where you are competing for that bonus or promotion, or it may be with a sibling or friend. Is it a neighbor that bought your dream car? Maybe it started way back in 5th grade during your spelling bee competition. Wherever it may be, I’m sure we all have it. Some more then others and for me it took over. It took over my joy, it took over my purpose, and it took over even my daily tasks. I was spiraling friends and I’m thankful for a good God that caught this. He knew he needed to address my heart before I lost total joy in my life. So what’s your ugly? Do you feel God nudging at you somewhere in your heart? I promise you surrender and pray…he will mend, and that’s what he has done to me this past month.
So, it came to a head! I was talking with my friend Kim about this and we both agreed we lost joy we were both in the same place and we just kept talking, talking, and talking about it. Well, grateful for a sister in Christ and if you don’t have one of these…I encourage you to find one. I don’t have many friends that have the same beliefs as me and I have to say that has been one of the biggest blessings from blogging, God brought the best friendships and friends that are also women of God. Life changing to have that! Anyhow, grateful for her faith and love for the Lord because she told me we need to change. We need to surrender and we decided together we would fast for the month of May. So, you can imagine how emotional it is to be the last day of May and how this months journey taught us so much and we are feeling free. I know this will never totally go away but our hearts are changed. With that, the Lord has also brought so many things out in me and I can see how he is blessing me through it all. So, when I say fast I don’t mean fasting by not having food. Though that’s another loyal way to fast, we felt the Lord telling us we need to fast from Instagram, where all the jealousy has stemmed from. We chose to not comment, scroll, or watch stories for the month of May. Of course I caught myself by habitat here and there attempting the scroll but I put down that phone. This last week we chose to totally remove IG and social media from our lives. Instead spending time in prayer and reading incredible books that God just placed before us.
Here are some of my favorite reads that helped with our heart change:
It’s like the Lord just provided us with the tools while we were going through this fast and time of redemption.
So, friends this past week I spent time not worrying about what I was missing, what I need to do to get where she is, or worry. I trusted and I let go, now that I am nearing the end of the fast I can say I feel contentment, I feel ready to go forward and follow the path the Lord has for me and not the path of others. I’ve learned it’s good to learn from others that are ahead of me and not to make them my competition. I’ve learned to enjoy the small moments…and choose to do what I love like buying flowers that put a smile on my face and not worrying about buying them so I can post all over Instagram (though I may share these because they are quite pretty) but…I bought these a week ago enjoyed them in the moment and this morning they got tossed. I seeked contentment this past week, slowed down, and found peace and joy again. Not to mention I felt so loved by the Lord because I knew he wanted me to be happy again. He wanted me to stop judging my life and having jealous thoughts. He wanted me to be free of all that. I also felt relaxed to be able to take a break from it all.
I hope this inspires you that we all have weaknesses, that our God is a good God that loves us and wants us to experience freedom from our burdens and sins. That he places tools and friends in our lives to help us along the path, and that sometimes stepping away, fasting, giving him time, and shutting “it” off, we can find ourselves again and what God wants for our lives.
This was also a good watch for those that are feeling like social media has been dragging them down lately.
Love you dear friends for reading my heart, for being here to support this blog that I know was a gift and I hope that from here forward I can inspire through this gift.
26 Responses
It has been nothing but joy to walk through this with you. Our God is so mighty and able to do immeasurably more than our finite minds can comprehend. His freedom is such a gift and hitting the refresh button with you brought me back to focusing on Him. Such a blessing. Love you dearly.
You are such a gift from God I am so grateful for your friendship.
Wow strong words, I couldn’t imagine you were going through this in your life. But we all know the clown story. That’s what we are sometimes. Your story has inspired me. We all have something ugly in our lives which we don’t want anyone to know because we get judged, God used you to get to all of us that follow you, to know that God doesn’t judge us. Thank you so much for sharing your story. May God bless you in many ways.
thank you so much Hellen, we all have our faults and weaknesses, that’s why we have the Great wonderful and loving God that we can lean on.
Oh my goodness, youth. You will find the older you get that all the garbage that went around in your head in your younger years just doesn’t matter. You can’t control what other people say or do. It’s really none your business or your problem. It theirs. Your life looks wonderful to me. Beautiful home, loving family and a rewarding blog job which I feel in your writings are your reward. Always concentrate on that, the other stuff just doesn’t matter!
Blessings from your Bona winner?
Thank you for sharing this us. I have been feeling the same for quite some time and this has been a really tough year for me and my family. You see, when you look around you see all these people on social media with their “perfect” lives and you have one with struggles. I will share that it is so hard to see people rejoicing and showing you their blessings and when you look around all you see is a small room that you can’t get out of and a life of “what if’s”. There’s such a truth to “You don’t know what you have until you lose it” but God loves me and my girls more than I can imagine. I felt (and sometimes still do) jealousy of people with perfect kids. I have twins with disabilities and can only dream of days when I could just hop in the car and go and live a “normal” life. Well, this January one of them when into Sudden Cardiac Arrest while in school and after 11 minutes, they were able to bring her back. By the Grace of God, she survived. I wanted nothing more than the life I’ve had. Our Imperfectly perfect life and He gave it back to us. Now, my other twin will undergo surgery this Monday for a defibrillator also and that’s all that matters to me, that she makes it fine. I’m trying to just LOVE what I have and not wish for what I can’t have. I have to thank Him for He knows best and knows what’s best for us. I’m trying to just follow my heart and forget about others’ lives because in real life, their lives are not perfect either.
I’m so happy you have taken that step and have that support to make a change and thanks for opening up to us as this is something I needed to hear as well. My social media has been overloaded with things and groups that make me happier and get me closer to God. Blessings.
ThaNk. YoU. God Bless❣️ take care, ♥️hugs
Yes, God does put others in our lives to inspire, love, grow and draw us nearer to him. I felt the same things…I struggled to find joy. I needed to hear and read this. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your personal story.
What a lovely post and thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. I have given up social media for quite some times and each time I think I’ll go “live” again I just can’t do it. My life is peaceful and blissfully unknowing about the world. I don’t watch the news but do read the local newspaper. I like that I have control over what I see and not have it forced upon me (Facebook was horrible and caused excessive anxiety for me). I enjoyed IG but had to stop last year after seeing too much “perfect” and those decor accounts I followed where they all seemed to follow that one huge account and then the smaller accounts were emulating almost verbatim the larger account. Ack it was so frustrating. The whole “let’s be authentic “ phase of IG and the “I just want to be true to myself” and “I have to prioritize my family first “. Well these are obvious but once that large account said it, fifty others followed. So, it sucked the joy of IG out of me. Now I only follow blogs and read posts.
It was a blessing for me to read your blog today, I get so caught up in all the you tube diy crafts and looking at all the cool farmhouse decor and houses on the blogs I see. I lost my home in August of 2016 to a flood. Now have spent almost 3 yrs in an apt. It’s a very nice and decorated place but I wish I had a house, which right now isn’t possible. So I do get that case of the “wants” as I call them & it gets me to a dark place real quick. The Lord has seen fit to give me a good husband, 2 grown amazing kids & greats spouses, and 4 granbabies. The oldest just turned 18 on the 29th & the youngest will be 2 on June 29th. So I totally get it !! It is nice to know that the Lord is always looking out for me & will give me the ability to “get on with it !” Thank you for sharing, may God continue to watch over & bless you.
Thank you for posting all that God is doing in your life. It is a breath of fresh air to see Gods hand at work in people’s lives. So many times we ask “how are you” and we get back “fine how are you”….”fine”…..and what we should be asking is “what’s God been speaking to you about lately?” I love that! The superficial is getting too impersonal, and we are just living behind the mask. Keeping our relationship with Jesus real frees us to be who He created us as individuals to be. I love how you stepped back when you knew you were in trouble and got closer to Jesus. Who He created you to be then surfaced. It’s a beautiful thing. I also struggled with not being good enough. I am an artist, and part of that is being judged in shows and everywhere else of how good an artist you are. I hated that part of it, but I knew I would have to get over it if I was going to be who I am and have peace and joy in my life. Now I have learned to embrace other people’s successes and see the beauty in their work and learn from it…..and I could only do it because my firm foundation is Christ, and I know who He says I am and that He will do a good work in me. I followed your blog initially because I loved your style and was hoping to learn from you….I didn’t know you were/are a Christian…..and now, I love your style even more. Thanks for being real and speaking your heart. God will bless you and many others by that❤️ He blessed me!
Thank you Barbara so true, I appreciate your words.
Truly loved your honesty and it all resonates with me. I love that your faith is who you are and that you share the answer is the Lord, Jesus Christ! This post help me to see you as more than a decorator, but another woman whose faith is what guides her and those two factors together have are a huge draw for me reading your post! Love decorating style a lot! Have a fabulous weekend!
Thank you so much Jayne, I’ve been gifted with this little corner on the internet to share my love for decorating but most importantly to share who our creator is and that he’s a loving God that I would be nothing without.
Glowing ~ your story today, the pictures, and heartfelt responses.
Amen.
Thank you so much Susan. xoxo
Thank you, Deb, for being so open and honest about your feelings and the darkness that we all, at some time, go through. I know that wasn’t easy to admit, but you certainly have handled it in the right way – taking it to our Father – who already knew you were having a hard time and was just waiting for you to bring it to Him. (How wonderful that you have a friend who you can share your true heart with) I will admit I’ve had that “jealous bug” about your beautiful new home. It is just a gorgeous house and you’ve made it a beautiful home. I wish I could have you come to NC and help me with my whole house!! I love seeing all that you’ve accomplished – it is truly a master piece! You are a blessed woman and I’m sure will continue to be – we aren’t promised a perfect life – but that He will never leave us in good times or bad.
aw thank you so much Patty, that is so sweet of you.Amen, I’m glad I can show that here that our lives are never perfect and our hearts are definitely not but we have such a good good father!
Deb, I am on vacation deleting photos on my phone, when I came across my photos from last year’s Country Living Fair in Rhinebeck where I saw you speak. In addition to a gorgeous photo of you, I took photos of your presentation, and reading them now, still think they are so on- point a year later, which is quite a feat in the rapidly changing world of design! So I hopped over to check out your blog and found this post. What a surprise to see you in a state of flux. Like many of your readers must be thinking – who’d have thunk it! Though I am not religious at all, I’m glad you found solace in your faith and are feeling better. Now, here’s what I think. You are amazing at design so keep your IG scrolling to a minimum in the design area. You’ve instinctively got that part! I think you’d be better off trying to learn more about how the business side works to really reach new heights in professional and personal growth. You have it within you really have your own online empire in ways you never thought possible! There’s a podcast called Pat Flynn’s Smart Passive Income that I find fascinating! He interviews a lot of people that you probably follow, and they candidly explain how they got there and what worked and why. It’s fascinating. For example, you say grammar isn’t your thing. I’ll bet you could find an English major at a local college to proofread/edit your blogs before you post. Done! And see what you’re doing – now you’ve got another person in your team. What other things might you outsource? Maybe you can have some guest contributors on your site, bringing more creative minds into your tribe. You are giving back by giving others opportunity, which will make you feel amazing, amd you’re expanding your reach at the same time! Think of some other ways to share. Run a sweepstakes where the wimner gets a free room makeover from you (via photos) and you get more followers. And yes, the idea of more personal posts is fabulous. A new set of challenges, a mind-shift on direction, and giving back in new ways, will all have you full of renewed excitement and love for what you do so well! (I also think you should think about a speaking tour because you are absolutely amazing in person!) Again, the decor part is your gift. Spend one day a month at Barnes & Noble scanning International design magazines and you’ll be up to date without the IG anxiety. Then spread your wings, and you’ll be soaring!
Hi Marilyn,
I had to email you personally after reading your comment on my latest post. This was so wonderful and I have to say I think you hit the nail on the head.
I so appreciate your words of wisdom and knowing that you enjoyed my presentation last year. I was so bummed to not be able to present this year, it’s something I really enjoy. I do agree that hiring help where our weaknesses are is so key, I’ve been doing that here and there and it definitely pays off. I appreciate you so much and thank for that kind message.
Just subscribed to that podcast!
Deb, thank you for sharing your heart so openly . The Lord has been speaking to me about doing a study about restoring true joy with my ladies small group this summer. I was going to begin with dealing with the things that we have allowed to steal our joy, like envy and jealousy, trying to do it all (and do it perfectly!) and comparison.
Your story of finding freedom is inspiring and I know you will be greatly blessed for sharing. So glad you know that true joy is a fruit that the Holy Spirit produces as we find our contentment in Him. He is using you to share His love in such a beautiful way!
Thank you so much Diana, that study sounds amazing and will be such a gift to so many women.
Loved this!
I just read an article today talking about FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and it talked about having JOMO instead which is Joy Of Missing Out. Missing out on all the hype of social media and comparison definitely brings more Joy because our focus becomes our families, our Savior and the things we really love and are most important! Thank you for sharing your heart and helping us all to put more thought & action towards what’s most important in our lives!♥️♥️
Wow Lisa, that is so on-point! We certainly can miss our Joy if we are so focused on living our lives through others and social media. It’s hard for me as my career is based around it and that’s where I feel there’s no escaping…but it’s changed our minds and contentment.
thanks for this. it is going to draw someone to God.
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Deb thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable. I too find myself getting caught in that trap. Thankful for the Lord who speaks to us and provides us friends who are brave enough to share how he is speaking to them! So very thankful for you friend!